Happy Fourth of July, everyone!
Your New Favorite
Halloween 2008: Sexy Optimus Prime
Halloween 2008: Sexy Optimus Prime
At the office
Katie as Optimus Prime
Transformers 2 F.A.Q.
Q: Why would a robot need to fart, pee, or vomit? And why would it need testicles?
A: Michael Bay does not understand what a robot is
Q: So it’s not as bad as shitting your pants?
A: Marginally. I honestly had to make a pro and con list to figure it out.
Q: Could you sum up the film in one line of its dialogue?
A: “I am standing directly beneath the enemy’s scrotum.”
Read the whole thing at Topless Robot
This Q&A is perfect for someone like me, who refused to sit through 2.5 hours of Michael Bay’s stupid idea of what a Transformer is, despite my affection for the Transformers franchise. The plot of Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen is bad enough to be entertaining when broken down like this.
“ Hey guys maybe The Rapture’s just way slower on the up-take than we imagined. And begins with A- to D-list celebrities. THIS IS PLAUSIBLE.
JasPer may be onto something.
To be sure, any woman - I mean goddess - would be very lucky to have Mark as her mate.
About Mark:
Gallant. INTENSELY romantic. Perfect gentleman.
Flamboyant!
Extremely passionate tantra master who does not ejaculate (except on rare occasions). Stay fully hard through multiple male orgasms without ejaculating. Can and will genuinely DELIVER “so many times you lose count,” as stated above. Vasectomy (but I can have it reversed).
100% straight (i.e. heterosexual).
Tobacco free, alcohol free, drug free and disease free.
Extremely strong male energy but totally different from most men. Obviously!! I know EXACTLY what I want, and I intend to get it.
About the lady he wants to meet:
She has a trim waistline. Alternatively, if her waistline is ALMOST (but not quite) trim, she is willing to trim it down for me and keep it trim for me. No exceptions
Her hair is her own and at least TO HER SHOULDERS. Alternatively, she is willing to grow her hair long for me and keep it long for me. No exceptions.
Her voice is not low or raspy. (Alto is fine; baritone is not.)
She is mentally healthy, and her mental health is strongly supported by her spiritual practices. (No psychiatry. No mental disorders. No psych meds.) Note: feeling some unhappiness because she has not yet been united with the man she desires is NOT a mental disorder!
She is extremely intelligent and creative.
She is highly articulate.
She speaks English with advanced fluency.
She is BRAVE.
If nothing else, Mark really knows what he wants. Please do go read the whole list and see all the pictures.
“
Forget the rich and famous, if you are a human being, Perez Hilton makes you look bad, no MS Paint necessary.
And yesterday, that got me down. It’s just like, what’s it going to take to break this damaging enchantment people have with him? Does he have to hurt someone? Kill them? Actually ejaculate on them?
- Rich Juzwiak takes on Perez Hilton
I don’t know why folks read Perez. I can’t wait until he fades away.
Saturday afternoon
Lunch with Amit and Erin!
It’s really cloudy in LA in June.
What can I say about MaxFunCon that hasn’t been put more eloquently by Matt or Sandy? My stomach still hurts from laughing not just at the scheduled comedy events but the conversations with fellow attendees in the hallways and at meals. I met great folks and made new friends.
Jesse Thorn is responsible for MaximumFun.org and brought everyone together for this weekend. He’s not yet 30 and he’s already managed to turn his small college radio show into a podcasting and radio series with a loyal community that sustains it. His fans are not just his listeners but his interviewees and colleagues who are charmed and impressed by him. So thank you, Jesse for being the super fantastic glue that held it all together.
